Discover the 24 “tasks” that a cheater must perform in order for you to heal from an affair
Hello friend, we’re Linda and Doug and we are one of the lucky couples who can say that we have been able to recover and heal from an affair. We can also honestly say that after 28 years of marriage, our relationship has never been better.
If you’re experiencing the pain of infidelity you’re probably a little bit skeptical of those claims as you may feel that the hurt, painful images and anger you are now experiencing will never fade away.
We’re here to tell you that they can and it’s very possible that you can recover and heal from infidelity, but…
…it’s not going to be easy and it’s going to take the commitment and hard work of each of you in order to do so.
There will be many bumps in the road along the way… but you can do it.
During the three or so years that we’ve been involved with our blog we have noticed hundreds, if not thousands of betrayed spouses who are stuck in their recovery and in their healing from an affair.
This feeling of being stuck might happen several months or even years after the discovery of infidelity.
From experience and interaction with others in the same boat, we have been able to identify certain behaviors on the part of the cheater that can either lead to success or failure at surviving infidelity.
In general, what we have found is that the cheater must now become the healer.
They are the key to affair recovery and to their spouse’s healing.
This is not easy for those unfaithful individuals with the best of intentions, and is certainly more difficult – if not impossible – for those who just don’t “get it.”
In our situation, we were recovering nicely. The thoughts of the affair didn’t invade Linda’s mind nearly as much as they once did. The triggers were occurring far less frequently and when they did, their effects were minimal.
We were getting along great.
Yet she was stuck. Something was holding her back…
It turns out it was Doug.
Now, in our case, it wasn’t as if he wasn’t trying hard – and even Linda said he was doing the right things…
…He simply wasn’t doing all the things she needed in order for her to heal.
Most of the time however, the stuck feeling occurs because the cheater is helping very little – if at all – during the recovery process.
In a nutshell, the most prevalent underlying reason for this feeling of being stuck is the lack of consistent help and effort from the cheater to do the things that the betrayed spouse needs them to do in order for them to be able to recover and heal.
It seems like such an easy thing to do, but for some reason the cheater either refuses to give the betrayed spouse what it is they’re most longing for or they simply just don’t know what it is they need to be doing on a consistent basis.
Through our work with other couples we became so frustrated from hearing story after story of cheaters who refuse to help at all with their partner’s affair recovery and healing, wondering why their partner just can’t “get over it,” that we decided to do something about it…
We went to work. We researched. We interviewed experts. We surveyed readers.
We have determined that there at least 24 key points that need to be addressed in order for the cheater to become a healer:
- Stop all contact with the other person – forever
- Be sensitive when your partner suffers from a trigger
- Stop being so selfish
- Take responsibility for your actions – and inactions
- Stop trying to always be in control
- Have some patience
- Be trustworthy
- Talk about things
- Be honest
- Show remorse and apologize
- Acknowledge the depth of the pain that your affair brought to your marriage
- Educate yourself about affairs and relationships
- Figure out for yourself why you did what you did
- Be thoughtful and reassuring
- Stop being so defensive
- Be loving and supportive
- Stop thinking that the grass is always greener somewhere else
- Listen – really listen
- Stop blaming your spouse for your affair
- Make your life and everything you do an open book
- Check your anger at the door
- Get some counseling or therapy
- Ask your spouse what he/she needs from you on a regular basis
- Gratitude or gratefulness
Chances are (if you are the betrayed) you need the exact same things from your spouse.
Linda sure did!
If you want to learn more about each of these healing actions, we address each of these points individually in our new program:
“Healing from an Affair:
A cheater’s guide for helping your spouse heal from your affair”
Before we continue, let us just say that it’s very difficult to be labeled as a cheater. The cheater has to accept that label before they can begin the healing and recovery process.
If you are a cheater and are still living in denial that what you did was justified or not as bad as you are ready to admit to yourself and your spouse, then these steps will not be productive.
So who is this program for?
As the title suggests, this program is meant to be a guide for the cheater. However…
…we all know that most cheaters will never take the initiative to buy it, so it’s more than likely up to the betrayed spouse to do so. (You are to be commended if you are the exception to this rule!)
Oh, and it’s also from a male cheater’s (Doug) point of view, though it will certainly benefit the female cheater as well.
The same issues tend to exist whether the cheater is male or female. You will just need to apply a woman’s perspective on things.
It is written with the cheater in mind, but this guide is appropriate for the betrayed spouse as well because she can understand the strategies and action steps as they relate to her own situation and create a personal guide or road map towards healing and recovery.
There are also many victims of infidelity who have no idea what it will take to get them through the healing process.
That being the case, this program will help that person become more aware of what she needs the cheater to do – even though the cheater may not be willing to do these things at this time.
…However, if each partner follows the advice in this program and puts forth a strong and honest effort into trying to heal and rebuild the relationship, the chances are quite good.
This program is for the person who has realized that they have screwed up royally, are remorseful and want to try to save their marriage and help their spouse heal as effectively and as quickly as possible.
We can tell you from personal experience that by doing these 24 things and working to connect with each other, you can not only survive, heal and recover from the affair…
…but you can fall back in love and you can create a marriage that is wonderful, fulfilling, fun and actually feel as if you were starting all over again.
But it ain’t gonna happen if you just sit back and not do the work!
And honestly, if you’re the cheater (perhaps a serial cheater) who just doesn’t “get it” and has no desire to do anything to help heal, then we will truthfully tell you that you’re wasting your time getting this program.
What others are saying…
This program was the turning point for my unfaithful husband. ~ Linda
I was very moved by the personal touch – hearing a real person, who had made mistakes after affair discovery – the contents spoke to me as a betrayed partner on a more “real” level than any of the affair and psych books have. ~ Carla
Every man, who has cheated on their wife, and wants to change his relationship into something better than he could imagine having, should read this book – and then DO what Doug recommends! If your wife/partner has stayed, and wants to find a way to forgive you and make your relationship better, you will come to realize what an incredible gift you have in her. This book will help you to avoid some of the common pitfalls, guide you to understand each other better, and get your healing on track faster, deeper, with more authenticity, than if you try to do it alone – or YOUR way! A passage back to that deep love and fulfillment that you probably didn’t know existed in long term commitment, but that you hoped for when you first started out in life with this woman. ~ Paula
I cried through reading many parts of the book. You hit the things that are most important to me in healing my marriage in a logical manner that was easy to read and easy to put to use. Funny…my marriage coach was just saying the other day that there needs to be a good guidebook for cheaters. He has not been totally satisfied with any. I’m going to send him a copy of your book. ~ Penny
This book is GREAT! It cuts right to the heart of how a cheating spouse can truly help their spouse heal! ~ Teresa
Healing From an Affair is an essential guide to helping the hurt spouse move forward after an infidelity. Useful hands-on tools for the cheater to help heal both himself and his spouse, tips on restarting the trust flames and how to handle set-backs are all included by Linda & Doug – ‘survivors’ of an affair. Linda & Doug have been there and back sharing their own personal experiences on healing a marriage to a better place after an affair. A must-have if you are in this situation! ~ Sara
Here’s what you get with the program…
- You can read it on your computer or print it out so you can make notes
- You can listen to it and/or download it to your MP3 device or smart phone
- The audio version is broken up into 7 short tracks for easier listening and downloading.
- Each of the 24 tasks that are covered include a set of suggested Action Steps to aid in successful accomplishment of the task
There are 2 audio interviews included as well
- Gary Shriver, co-author of the book Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity talks to us about his experiences at helping his wife heal from his affair while offering his own suggestions and advice.
- “DJ,” a betrayed spouse, shares her own healing experiences and what her husband has done well – and not so well – in the way of helping her heal.
Two supplemental handouts in PDF format
- The Anger Log
- The Affair Inventory
We also include something a little unique…
As we mentioned earlier, we ‘re sure of one thing right off the bat… 99.9% of cheaters will not want to read this book – or any other book for that matter (at least initially).
That being the case, we felt we had to make it easy for the betrayed to present the information to their spouse if they so desire.
So what we have done is separate out each of the 24 “cheater’s tasks” into its own PDF so that the betrayed can very easily print them out and give to their cheating spouse if they desire to do so.
That way the cheater won’t feel as though an entire book is being forced down his throat.
How much does it cost?
Your one-time investment in this program is just $39.95
Is there a guarantee?
We understand that it’s not easy sometimes to make an investment, even one as important as this one. You can try “Healing from an Affair: A cheater’s guide for helping your spouse heal from your affair” risk free.
No time limits. No questions asked. If this program doesn’t help you, we will refund every penny of the purchase price.
On August 25, 2010 at 3:15pm I found out my husband of 32 years was cheating on me. My world as I understood it ended on that day and at that time. As my walls caved in around me and I suffocated in pain and grief, I found Doug and Linda. I had never met these people and I still haven’t, but through their blog, their wisdom (they actually wrote me back) I found solace. As the months turned into years and I am now recovered and thankfully thriving in my marriage once again I owe an immeasurable debt to these wonderful people. I hope you will gain knowledge and peace when you read their books and their blog. They really do care about you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ~ Sue
There are not many books out there that tell a cheating spouse, in plain terms, just how to repair what they have broken! Doug and Linda’s book does exactly that! As a former cheater, Doug has “walked the walk and talked the talk!” So he has insight that many others who have written books on infidelity do not have!
If you’ve had an affair, whether physical or emotional, you need to read this book, then do as it suggests! Your marriage depends on it! ~ Teresa
Linda & Doug, Please Give Me INSTANT ACCESS To “Healing from an Affair: A cheater’s guide for helping your spouse heal from your affair”
Please feel free to contact us by email at: support @ after-the-affair.org if you have any questions about the program.
Regardless of whether you purchase the program or not, we truly hope for the best for you and wish you much luck with your healing and recovery from the affair.
Linda & Doug
NOTE: “Healing from an Affair: A cheater’s guide for helping your spouse heal from your affair” is delivered in digital format via an Instantly Downloadable PDF file. No physical products will be shipped. After you order, you will get INSTANT ACCESS to the book and all the bonuses onto your computer.
Please also note that every effort has been made to accurately represent this product and its potential. As with any book or program, there is no certain guarantee that you will achieve specific results.